Whoa, I’m not going to beat-around-the-bushes here. This stuff is fucking gold. You know how delicious dark chocolate is, hell—your favorite goddamn candy bar? This cereal/granola/heaven takes that food nirvana and beats the shit out of it, then pisses on its mangled body, then stomps its head into mush.
PLus it has all that bullshit omega-3’s that are good for you, and no trans fat. Woo! This + Wegmans Organic Vanilla Soy milk = the best cereal experience I have ever been through.
-Justin
The batshit crazy Roman Emperor Nero used a year’s worth of the city’s supply of cinnamon to fuel the funeral pyre of his ruthless but beautiful wife Poppaea Sabina.
I’m not sure how much you’ve considered your own mortality, but up to learning about this I was pretty sure I wanted a green burial. It just goes to show you:
Cinnamon is a game changer.
And Kashi’s Cinnamon Harvest would just be some decent shredded wheat if it wasn’t for this delicious main ingredient. Instead, it’s a beautiful journey for your mouth that starts at Pleasant Surprise Lane and speeds right into Eat The Whole Box Alley. And if you overindulge and die from your gluttony, then you just better hope you have a friend who’s rich enough to fuel your funeral pyre with cinnamon.
-Kate
SO, I took a stroll down nature’s path this morning, and I stepped in some red berry shit crunch. Before today I never stopped eating a cereal to dump it in the trash. The fruit to flax ratio is way off. I’m a huge fan of strawberries and raspberries, but in this cereal it was disgusting. Maybe there was a reason it was buy 2 for $5 at my local grocery store. Maybe Wegman’s wanted me to throw-up in my mouth. Maybe…fuck you Nature’s Path.
-Justin
Don’t poke fun bonita…I’m not the 23 year old buying enviro-kids!
-Justin aka “doesn’t care if you eat organic or not”
I’m not either. I’m 22.
-Kate
Not for much longer! You’re going to be that old lady buying kiddie cereal soon enough.
-Justin
Red Cat is technically a wine, but it’s more of a cheap fruit juice that just happens to have rotten grapes in it. It’s kind of a good introductory wine; it goes well with pizza and wings and french fries and even a twelve year old could probably enjoy it. In short, it’s a wine without a really wine-y taste.
Penguin Puffs are kind of like that. Sure, they’re organic (calm down, Justin, we’re not judging you for eating organic) but they are one of those great foods that you could pass off on your skeptical friends/picky kids as being just as processed as the Count Chocula you had yesterday. These don’t taste organic—they’re not full of hearty grains, they’re incredibly sweet, and definitely kid-friendly. (but not in an RKelly way)
So if you want to start eating better and you’re a little skiddish about jumping on the organic bandwagon (calm down, Justin), give these little bastards a try!
-Kate
I try to eat organically(?) as much as possible, or as much as my wallet is willing to. I know it’s the hip thing to do these days, but I genuinely feel it’s worth while. But, I’m not all high-and-mighty about it. I don’t go around telling people that they should. And I’m only partially okay with spending 5 bucks on organic skim milk. It’s a personal preference, and it will stay that way.
It’s anoying when nay-sayers say, “studies show it’s not healthier for you.”. Well, no where do they claim it’s healthier for you. They just say it’s better for you. I’m all for not eating things with strange chemicals.
Anyway, this cereal is delicious. It’s no where near as sweet as Honey Bunches of Oats, which I think is a good thing. It’s just right. Plus, it’s the same price—so go out and instead of buying Bunches, buy a box of this. In the end you will thank me.
- Justin
The Swedes are a brilliant people. They live by a principle know as, “Lagom,” which, loosely translated, means, “enough, sufficient, or adequate.” While traditional American values stress achievement and metaphorical ladder-climbing, the friendly Swedes live by the idea that getting by is good enough.
If the idea that Lagom är bäst (Good enough is best) was a cereal, it would be Kix. Kix is just sweet enough while just nutritious enough at the same time. While greedy, success-driven, perfectionist American capitalists might try and make it better (or sweeter or more nutritious or bigger or cheaper), Kix is lagom. It’s good enough. And this being “good enough” truly makes it the bäst.
-Kate
I set out tonight determined. My objective was simple: track down an illustrious box of the rare cereal Alpha-Bits. It was for science, it was for pleasure, but it was mainly for creativity. I wanted to form the words cereal and killers in the little puffed pieces of whatever-they-are, then place them in a bowl filled with milk, then take a picture. It was going to be great! It was going to be super creative and gain us tons of followers! Well, I found a box only to be disappointed by the lack of letters I needed. I modded a few by nibbling off corners and such to create my own busted letters. I then placed them in a bowl of milk. Then they sank, and tipped, and turned in undesired directions. My heart followed suit.
Driving around worked up quite the appetite, so I poured myself a nice full sized bowl.
-Justin
I’m all for a sexy mascot, and Count Chocula is about as panty-dropping as it gets. However, you know what I’m not all for? Shitty cereal. And Count Chocula is just that.
Maybe I’m a chocolate purist, or maybe I’m just PMSing, but that cereal isn’t really chocolatey at all. It kind of tastes like you conjured up some kind of dry cracker out of Nesquik mix and matzah and broke it up into tiny, dry pieces.
I remember being a kid and begging for this shit after seeing the wicked metal commercial on TV: a huge castle in the mountains, lightening bolts, evil laughter… and then we got the stuff home and the only thing that was metal about it was the taste of the “marshmallows,” which tasted more like astronaut ice cream in the shapes of bats. They didn’t even melt on your tongue, they just kind of cracked apart and gave up.
Main point: Count Chocula is one of those dudes who has the ‘tude that makes you think they’re all that, but is actually pretty bland. Of course, you’ll only realize this after a few dates when his mystique wains, and you’re stuck with a hot but stupid dude which only really bothers you when you’re trippin’ balls on estrogen before your period.
-Kate
